Do you know what it feels like when you realize that you're walking on this earth, breathing this air, living in this world, for no one but yourself?
It feels pretty amazing, if I'm being completely honest. It feels like you're finally free. It feels like that first day of spring when you step outside and don't get cold without a jacket. Like all the pressure of other people's opinions is that jacket and you can finally leave it inside.
I got to thinking about this when the subject of me getting more tattoos came up in a conversation with my parents. They were awfully negative towards something that makes me happy and confident. I'm not saying they don't have the right to have an opinion, we just don't understand each other perfectly. But I was never asking for their permission. I will get more tattoos, as soon as I have money and 100% sure ideas, even though my dad told me that "a human skin is not a map". Because from my point of view, that's exactly what it is. But tattoos are not the point here. They're just an example.
This year I have realized that this is my body and I can look the way I want to without anyone having the right to say shit about it. I can wear whatever I want to, as long as it doesn't offend anyone (exception: if you get offended by my legs showing you can fuck right off), because this is my body and I'm the only one who can decide what it looks like and what I do with it. This is my life and I can do whatever makes me the happiest.
And so can you. You don't have to listen to anyone's bullshit about your dreams being ridiculous or your priorities being messed up or anything like that. You should only listen to yourself, listen to what you think about yourself and your life. If you think your life is too boring, change it. If you don't like your hair right now, change it. If your grades are too bad for your liking and the way you're studying is wrong for you, change it. Make changes, but don't make them for your parents, or your friends, or the society. Make them for yourself. Inner motivation is what matters; when you do something because you sincerely want to, you can always do it better. You also don't have to tell anyone why you're doing something, you don't owe anyone any explanations.
I am now happier than I've probably ever been, after I've learned not to worry about what others think. Hopefully one day my parents will see that too and stop trying to drag me down (great song, that one). I just really want them to be proud of the confident person I've become. Of course I still have moments when I'm not totally comfortable in my skin, everyone has. But lately I've had a lot less of those. Maybe I will wait with the tattoos until I move out, though. Wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life fighting with Mom and Dad over something that shouldn't even be that big of a deal. 'Cause there's some good stuff in them too, you know. They just don't always know how to show it. Or maybe I'm just short-sighted when it comes to that.
So, happy New Year, everyone! I genuinely hope that next year all of you will learn to love and respect yourselves. (Here's my confidence boost -playlist, it's what I always listen to when I'm feeling down. Just saying (also a great song)) If you already have, congratulations! You rock.
"All the love as always." - H.S.